Missing You

Yo, don't you just HATE it when someone starts a blog, makes a big deal out of it and then NEVER updates it? Man, I knew this guy once who had this cool blog called Stringcans and we used to read it all the time. One day- BAM! nothing. I started checking less frequently and then not at all...
OK, I'm talking about people like me. But I have very good reasons for disappearing.

1. I liberated myself and resigned from my "dream" job that had slowly become a nightmare, around the beginning of December. Shouts out to my people still on lock down!

2. I relocated from North Carolina to Washington, DC. It's colder, more expensive and it takes me twice as long as it should to get from point A to B. But things are improving.

3. I took a lovely 2 week vacation in the mother land, or the land of my mother at least, Jamaica.

4. I was too consumed with myself to blog about other people's issues.

But the good news is that I'm back. I know that eventually you'll check back and realize that this is true. I miss MBT! Which by the way was named after a situation that my crazy-ass boss got into at my old job. Now, alas! I can tell the meaning of MBT and not give a shit who reads it.

So what had happened was, there's this lady. She's not normal. (Fact.) Since I interacted with her daily I used to collect stories of her abnormal behavior for fun. One day she ordered breakfast from room service at a hotel. First of all, normal people don't do this because we know that it's not normal to pay $12 for toast, OJ and coffee. Anyway, she bought toast and who knows what else. When the toast arrives it's burnt. It's burnt to the point that it isn't edible. Now a normal person may call room service and ask for unburned toast, or call management and say, "this is unacceptable and I'm not paying for it." But this lady wrapped the toast up on the plate it came on and packed it in her bag. I'm guessing she didn't mention it to the management and paid for it. Who knows. The point is that she brought the toast across state lines, back to her home and then into her office. Why? Because, silly! She's not normal. She took the black toast wrapped in plastic wrap and stuffed it in a package addressed to the corporate office of the hotel chain. Why do you need to bring mail to work to send it? Because you need to use company supplies, of course! But this isn't a story about stealing from your employer. [Hey, who doesn't take too many Sharpies on the way out? Right? ] Anywayz, this dumb bitch sent the burnt toast to the corporate office with a stickie note on it that read "Would you eat this?" And no doubt there was a long ranting letter attached making huge deal out of nothing. [her favorite pastime]

Um, this story circulated and those of us who work under her tyrannic thumb laughed and laughed. It was right in line with her abnormal behavior in other situations. Anyway, we came up with a band name to commemorate the situation and it was Militant Black Toast... which is what I named my blog later on because I love that damn story. And I love how very offensive those two pieces of black toast were. The emotion that they evoked by simply being black is truly historic. But I digress, I love that story, but not as much as the story in which she threatens to call the police on the garbage department if they didn't stop blocking traffic in the mornings while she's trying to get to work. Jebus!

Anyway, peoples, I've found a new puppet master here in DC. I haven't been employed a week and I spent my entire Saturday busting ass. And as far as I know, everyone around me is fairly normal. I'll be in touch though. ALL DI TIME!

Bless