TV, how thee doth suck

Hey there, I'm back.

This past year I've developed quite an appetite for TV shows of all varieties. I heart "Lost" "America's Next Top Model" "Girlfriends" well, it's actually a short list of shows that I love, but I'll watch anything once. And everyone knows I have a weakness for scripted reality TV. But the networks have really pissed me off this year with their fall lineups. So, UPN is gone. It merged with the WB (a network I never watch apparently because I don't know any of their shows.) to create the CW. The lineup for fall is as wack as the new network's name, which stands for parent companies CBS (C) and Warner Bros. (W). Hope the people who developed that got a raise and a vacation, imagine the sleepless nights they must have spent waiting for inspiration to hit them.

I like to pour a little coffee into the trash can for the cast of "Half & Half" pictured above, they have been cancelled. Go ahead, pour some water, Mountain Dew whatever you have out for these fallen funny faces. Some of you may actually have liquor at your desks, that's the ultimate gesture. When the networks merged they had too many shows to keep, they had to cut many. UPN had too many shows with all-Black casts, so they had to go. But to cut right to the chase here's why I'm a little pissed. The CW took every show with a black cast, which is nearly every show on non-cable network channels, and lumped them together in a soul food Sunday block. The show with the most critical acclaim "Everybody Hates Chris" got the worst time slot, 7 p.m. It's followed by "All of Us," which sucks harder than "Half & Half," but I'm sure that the power of producers Will Smith and Jada Pinkett helped them over the hump. Then there's "Girlfriends" and a spin-off of the show called "The Game" and a f-king rerun of "Top Model," um I know we need a rerun of "Top Model" every week, but on Sunday night? Couldn't they have saved one more UPN show like, oh say, "Half & Half"? One person on BET's message board made a good point about the CW's "Black TV night." She said that she enjoys coming home and unwinding with a comedy (not a rerun). She'll miss Monday Nights on UPN. But for me, I only watch UPN twice a week anyway, Wednesday, Monday and if I really try hard I can catch "Everybody Hates Chris" before it goes off at 8:30 on Thursday. The real problem here is that most of the shows on WB are 1-hour long ("Gilmore Girls" "Smallville" whatever) and black sitcoms are all 30-mins long. I don't miss most of the shows that were cancelled like "Cuts" (Bye!!) "Eve" (cute, but boring!) "Love Inc." ( I felt like a hostage in my own home watching that shit.) and others too stupid to remember.

If anyone runs into CW, can you tell them I said: "You're new lineup shows the reason why the WB and UPN needed to merge in the first place, clearly you're idiots. I'll fry some chicken and eat watermelon and gather around the TV on Sunday nights to watch my little 'Black shows,' but I won't like it!" The CW also has a new advertising strategy where they'll create little mini-programs that use advertiser's products and entice us to watch these commercials in disguise. Why will we watch? Because we'll want to see the results of the first date once two losers are made over using Pantene and Oil of Olay products or whatever. Sounds pretty sneaky, but as long as it means that the "Top Model" girls can stop doing those dumb-ass product placements in the middle of the show, this is fine with me.

Have you noticed how corny it's getting lately? They'll be prepping for a photo shoot and it's bad enough that the shoot is to advertise a new razor by Gillette, but these chicks have to TALK about the products with each other or their stylists. How stupid! They'll be like, "I use this at home all the time. It makes my hair soft" (So! Can I see the photo shoot now, please?) The other week they had these poor girls shaving thier legs with the razor in the damn forest! Who the hell shaves their legs in the jungle of Thailand, propping their foot on tree trunks?! Why wouldn't a model have shaved her legs at home in the shower like normal chicks? I mean, they've gotten totally carried away, and I don't want to watch another woman shave her legs. That's too much reality for me.

OK, in other TV news "Grey's Anatomy" moved to Thursdays. Fine. "King of Queens" and "The Bernie Mac Show" were cancelled, not that I watched, but I rooted for the shows silently. I'm looking into some of the new shows that are coming this fall. Most sound like nothing to rush home for, but I will be checking out the new show with John Cho (Harold from Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle) called "The Singles Table" on NBC (I think). It's supposed to be like "Friends" so, I'll give it a try only because I like John. I don't need an all black cast of actors to be happy, but I need more than a token actor to watch your show. Not that the networks care if I'm happy or anything. I see how it is. At least there's "Lost" and I'm going to work hard so that I can go home and enjoy the season finale tonight.


CW'S FALL SCHEDULE
MONDAY
8 p.m. 7th Heaven
9 p.m. Runaway
TUESDAY
8 p.m. Gilmore Girls
9 p.m. Veronica Mars
WEDNESDAY
8 p.m. America's Next Top Model
9 p.m. One Tree Hill
THURSDAY
8 p.m. Smallville
9 p.m. Supernatural
FRIDAY
8 p.m. Friday Night Smackdown!
SUNDAY
7 p.m. Everybody Hates Chris*
7:30 p.m. All of Us*
8 p.m. Girlfriends*
8:30 p.m. The Game
9 p.m. America's Next Top Model repeat