Joe's Apartment

Remember that flick about the guy who lived with tons of roaches?? Well, I know a person who's in a similar situation and just can't handle it. I won't share her name, but this is what happens when I tell you about my blog and you never visit. So, she's sending a letter to her landlords, who are TOTAL slum lords, about the situation. She has to put everything in writing b/c this is a serious situation.

But I still think this letter is hilarious so I will share a snippet. Here goes:

First of all I appreciate you finally coming to fix and replace the items that needed fixing since 4/28. However, I am stilling having problems with roaches. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t kill at least two or more roaches. Roaches crawling all over the kitchen, roaches on my dinette table, roaches in my brand new microwave, roaches in my bed, roaches crawling in the kitchen sink, on the sink, hiding behind scrub pads, crawling on the side of the refrigerator door, there are even roaches in the oven, dead of course. It’s a good thing I hardly use the oven because I would hate to find a roach in my casserole. Open the cabinet doors and roaches come falling out. Every time I go to open my cabinets, I have to be on guard with roach spray.
On March 17th I spoke to the manager who informed me she would put me on the pest control list permanently. Two weeks went by and no pest control. I called the office and found out I have to call every week. They really need to come everyday. I am not sure what they are spraying but I have more live roaches than dead.

So there are also some pesky neighbors in her building which she adresses later in the letter:
Just this morning, I found a beer bottle in front of door steps. Why is someone leaving their beer bottle in front of my door? I hope the person who did this has more common sense than to think I would be stupid enough to leave a beer bottle outside my own door. Every week there is trash on my patio. Today it’s a beer bottle top and wrappers from crackers. Last week it was a french fry box from Wendy’s. When is it ever going to stop? I am beginning to wonder if this is being done on purpose. Not saying that it is but why don’t these people use their trash cans?

Because they're losers? Or maybe, it's not their trash, but the roaches trash! Those roaches are probably partying their lazy asses off while she's at work paying for their apartment. Man, I had to live with roaches once. I dealt with it for like 2 weeks before I had Tony Montana moment and slayed them all. At first, I didn't know what the bugs were, then when I looked them up on the Internet and learned that when you see one that means there's overcrowding in their hiding places, it was a wrap. I could barely sleep at night, and they never even made it into my bedroom! It wasn't a laughing matter for me at the time, but now that I look back it was kinda funny. And I know exactly how my girl is feeling. I would be sleeping in the damn leasing office, answering phones after hours and telling people not to live there. Eating the cookies they lay out for the guest.

Oh one of my worst experiences with roaches was while visiting a sexy boy. I'll spare details of just how sexy he was.. or what my nickname for him was.. But NOW his nickname is NASTY. (And not in that "boy, you so nasty" way.) He invited me to his apartment and there were 'nuff roaches- everywhere! In his only defense, I'll say that he was living with someone else who already occupied the apartment, so the roaches were definitely there already. I tried to ignore them and watch TV, but I went to the bathroom and when I turned on the faucet a roach came out instead of water! I screamed and jumped back- then I'm all looking around to see where the roach's homies are at. They're right there chilling. Dawg, my friend didn't even ask me what was wrong and i know he heard me! He already knew. And so ended our friendship. lol