Shadowboxer...

Man, time flies when you're having fun dudn't it? So, last night I went to see a screening of this new movie Shadowboxer . It will be in theaters on July 21, I think, so take your ass out and see it. Don't bootleg it. I can say that with authority since I've seen it for free. It stars Cuba Gooding Jr., Helen Mirren and chick who looks like Angelina Jolie and Mo'Nique is in there too. So is Macy Gray, but they don't have large roles. It's directed and produced by Lee Daniels, the black filmmaker who did The Woodsman and Monster's Ball. When we were leaving the theater people were comparing him to Quentin Tarantino.

The movie was kinda disturbing and had lots of shock value.. I mean, you remember how awkard you felt when Halle Barry was begging Billy Bob's scruffly racist ass to make her feel good?? Um, that moment was in this film like three times. Cuba and Helen Mirren are lovers and contract killers, OH and they're step son and step mom.. so there's plenty of sex and violence, sometimes simultaneously. [To all the guys reading this: Earmuffs.] I saw Cuba's ass at least three times! Not bad, Cuba, not bad. It had great definition, not too thin or flat... And there was full frontal nudity... ALAS! It wasn't Cuba's penis. It was the bad guy's dingaling, but I'll take it. There was a scene were Cuba did a stripper dance for Helen and he was moving pretty nicely. Had the abs all rippled up, to what song? "The Cross" by Nas! That's what I'm talking bout!

But, wait. Do you see the couple? See Helen up there in that photo? Can you imagine them f-king? Not, making love. Not kissing and fading to black.. humping! That's the uncomfortable part of the film. For me, it wasn't Helen's race, it was her age. I know I'll have wrinkles in a few years, but.. I don't know what else I can say about that.

So, the coolest part of the evening was before the movie. I was starving and there was a reception at a posh sushi restaurant that had open bar and free sushi. Dawg, I must have consumed a good $40 worth of food and drinks in less than an hour. Sushi is expensive and the martinis are too! The best shit I ate was called a volcano roll, it had tempura shrimp topped with warm crab meat shredded and tossed in a spicy mustard...Dee-lish. Anywho, Another interesting part of the evening was that Mo'Nique was at the screening along with Vivica Fox (in a tight dress of course. I bet she just has piles and piles of those damn things.) and the director of the film and his staff and whatnot. Vivica was all like, Mo'Nique is my girl. I love her! And basically she was saying that there aren't many women in Hollywood, much less black hollywood that look out for each other. Apparently Mo'Nique is one of them. Mo'Nique got up and gushed over how cool Vivica is too..

Oh, Mo'Nique had her new husband with her. But I hear that he's batting for the wrong team and that she knows that but because they've been best friends for years, she married him and had his twin babies. Sounds like the "Will & Grace" theory. I mean she was saying that she never had feelings for him before and that they started having sex and the babies weren't planned. He used to live with her and her now ex-husband at one point. When she told her ex that she was getting with the best friend she says he was shocked to hear. Now, I don't know how true the rumor is, but I do know that the only man who would be allowed to live with me and any man I've dated so far, would have to be gay. And there are absolutely no grown women allowed in my house for longer than a week. I don't give a crap who your mama is to me, Bye! So, that makes me think that the husband didn't see him as a threat, confirming that he could have been, you know. I will say that he was well groomed and the way he walked made me look at his hips. Hmmm....

Can't think of what else I was going to tell you. So, maybe I'll return later. If you're lucky.