Is that your dog?
This may be a chick thing, but I'm trying to be a better blogger so I guess you have to read whatever the hell I think of. Here's what I've been pondering lately..
It's about friendships. Girls have the worst time maintaining friends because we're so complex. Shit has to be sooo deep and we expect probably too much out of each other. In the territory of dealing with "best friends" and their men it gets especially treacherous. I mean, we talk to each other about boys all the time. Some girls have nothing else to talk about other than boys (boring friends). So what happens when your girl falls head over heels for some loser and you know that you're the one she'll be complaining to when he fucks her over? I mean, I've been that chick- but I also know that you can only expect a friend to lend their ear so many times before you have to handle your own issues.
I have this friend, who has a friend who dates a loser. I mean, on paper and in person. Not a loser with charm or charisma or extreme sex appeal, like the losers I've dated. Just a loser. I never liked him, but I always let them live and I never shared my opinion. (I mean, my friend never shared her opinions.) Anyway, they've hit rock bottom, came to the correct conclusion to break up and somehow found their way back into each other's arms. This time, it's just hard to watch. The romance simply won't work and if it does, the lady who deserves more will have to settle for less and may end up with baggage she can't get rid of, or miss wonderful opportunities that loser doesn't support.
My friend finds herself not wanting to talk to her best friend because she's so disappointed in her piss poor decisions and would rather not be around to watch. Is that fair?
Another similar scenario is unfolding with yet another friend of mine. She's had five-month stand-off with her best friend that goes back to a simple missed phone call. Her long-term friendship may be over because she committed the unthinkable crime of not giving her best friend phone messages from a guy she liked. Never mind their long history of him disrespecting her and ranking her very low on his priority list. Never mind the fact that her friend gave out her phone number without asking. She was only trying to look out and spare them both the drama of dealing with him and now she's the bad friend. It never fails that ANYTIME you step between a woman and her man (even if he isn't her man at all) you will lose. Do guys have these issues too? If your man's dating the hoe of babylon or a gold digger do you mention it? Does he get mad?
So what's the solution?
A. Stay out of your friends' business even when they drag you in with details?
B. Simply listen and pretend like you support their dumb ass decisions?
C. Tell them how you feel and let them deal with it any way they please?
I mean, you could always just be one of those girls who say: I don't hang with girls. But, that's really lame. I love my girls.
posted by Atsui_Gal @ 11:12 AM
8 Comments:
Wow, I just read this and it sounds like men are evil. Hmm... let me go on the record and say, I heart penis. Men have those and so, I guess I heart men too.
There are some great guys out there.. like the ones who read my blog.
DAMN RIGHT! lol
(umm why does my name show up now? I mean, more than half the people who post here know who I am anyway but.. damn.. can a nig have a screen name?)
Well, it's not news to anyone but dudes don't talk about that emotional shit to each other. Not only do we not talk about it but we don't even think about it that often in the first place. That type of thing normally only comes up when it's extremely crucial. A death in the family or something..
On the rare occasion that the emotion/girlfriend topic does come up it's like a 10 minute convo, tops. Unwritten rule. As soon as that time limit is up one party is going to change the subject. No segway at all. "So what's up tonight!" "How your Fantasy squad doin?" At that point the "my boo" subject is DONE. So, one thing we have going for us is that we rarely even get into that territory and when we do we never get very far into it.
The other thing is, we piss each other off all the time. ALL THE TIME. So if one of us says something about the others girl that he doesn't like, the insulted party will get pissed and get over it. If he's a dude that holds grudges like a ... well, holds grudges (hehe) then he wouldn't have been a friend in the first place. He'd be a lame.
I guess it all comes down to the foundation of the friendship. Dudes create friendships based on the feeling that the friend will have our back. (whether we are correct in thinking that person will have our back is another thing) There's a saying that I'm going to butcher right now but it's something like: a friend is someone who will say "Damn you shouldn't have done that." and bail you out. Your dawg is someone who will say "Damn you shouldn't have done that." and be right there in the cell with your ass.
Women (I could be totally wrong because.. you know.. I'm not a woman) SEEM to base their friendships on emotionally supportive things. Like.. um.. talking about relationships I guess.. lol.
So, it seems to me that women have more of a chance for the foundations of their friendships to be weakened because those emotional topics/situations come up all the time. Whereas, with guys, depending on your lifestyle, it's not too often that you REALLY need someone to have your back, so our friendships can survive many an insult, diss, blow to the pride and disparaging remark about a girlfriend.
..oh. I don't know what the solution would be to the OP. Never talk bad about female friend's boyfriend? I know I try not to. They hate that.
The identity thing is an issue now.. I had to switch my blog over to a google/blogspot blog.. so it's linked to my gmail account- which sucks for my privacy as well.. If you want to use a screenname I think you should sign in as other and type the name you want to appear.
...damn...can i get a muthafuckin slow clap for C J Jones...that was a damn soliloquy (sp?) my brotha...accurate, in depth, yet terse...it was in fact mantastic...
sir you are a scholar...and a gentleman
*firm handshake*
But the thing is that sometimes we don't want the convo either. We may even create segways or blatantly change the subject. The problem is that chicks have this way of talking about multiple subjects at the same time. So, somehow you will find yourself back in that same conversation. Then we are stuck between not caring enough to answer or being judgmental and inconsiderate. Oh I pity these friends of your atsui girl!
First thing first
* firm handshake *
for ChampJones
Second
I've had quite a few female friends in my day 2 things I never do
1). say ANYTHING negative about they boyfriend...I argue that nigs side EVERYTIME...its a man-rule...In my older age I do kind of slip on that and if a dude is a doin a female friend SUPER like OBVIOUSLY dirty I may throw a hypothetical out there...but back in the day I would mess around and literally watch him f'another girl n wouldnt say shit...man rules...can't violate...cuz if I had it may have come back to bite me.
2) I will never EVER tell a female friend to either break up with her boyfriend b/c she will NEVER LISTEN...ive never even done it, but Ive witnessed and what usually occurs is the female talks to the guy, he denies and she stays with him...which BURNS me up b/c now the dude knows another dude has violated the man-rule...and the girl is still stickin dumbly by him so i stay out of ALL those affairs...
women should adopt some man-rules it would make life within a friendship a lot easier
I had a friend tell me to break up with my boyfriend. I had barely told her the ENTIRE story and that was her advice..well it was more like, What are you waiting on?? And if she'd known the entire story she may have just determined I would never do it and wouldn't have given me that advice. I respected her opinion so much that I did it. I sat on the advice for a couple days, as if it was my first time considering it, but I went right out and did it within that week.
I was honestly a little pissed off at her for suggesting it when I went through the boo-hoo stage, but she was right.
And b/c she cares about me she barely hesitated in giving her advice.. Even after that experience I probably still wouldn't tell most girls to leave their man. I will let you know that I'm not feeling your relationship, that you could do better, I'll remind you of stories you told me before and let you know that I don't think people change as much as you think your man has for whatever reason.. I'll even go as far as avoiding you and your man, but you can't take those words back. And sometimes I think that girls try to make things work against all odds.. like, they thought we wouldn't make it. I'll prove them wrong.
Anyway.. that's that..
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