Blackie

When I was a kindergartner I had a best buddy named Shannon. If I think hard I can remember her last name, but it doesn't matter. Shannon rode the school bus with me and lived in the same neighborhood. We'd debate over whether I was black or brown. She'd say black, I'd argue brown. I mean, duh, can't you SEE my color? One day we were coloring on the bus and a brown crown rolled over and stopped by my hand, boom! I proved that I matched the crayon and Shannon couldn't deny it. Later during that school year she got into lots of trouble for using the N-word in class.. So, at last, while she may have believed I was brown, another black kid in class fit the description of a nigger, a word that she told our teacher she had learned from her dad.

Debating over skin tone is stupid and childish. Black is a race, not a skin tone (5-year-old me didn't know that. Shannon was right). Yet, the jokes prevail...and finally dark Americans embrace derogatory nicknames like Smoke and Black. It can be cute, now that dark skin people are "in style." But when an old-school person calls you "Blackie," as a superior in my office did earlier today, you know exactly what it means. When someone calls me "dark meat" or "blackie" I can only assume that you subscribe to the belief that black is ugly and problematic. This older black person went on to question whether I've been hanging out in the sun. I said, yes. I've been to the beach lately. Really? What beach do you go to? I share the locations and think the convo is over. Then a few seconds later, "So you actually sit in the sun?" Um, yes, I replied. I have a summer complexion and a winter complexion and I love them both. Why do I have to justify this?

I haven't given two shits about my complexion since, well, puberty. It never held me back and as people matured it wasn't much of an issue. Of course, I did have ignorant family members asking me to stay out of the sun as if I'd ruin myself for the entire summer by tanning. Anyone who grew up on the dark side, and caught hell for it, knows that it takes maturity on your part to realize that beauty comes in every shade. I'm over it. The sun is my friend. Then comes this dinosaur calling me blackie and implying that I must be crazy to sit my black ass in the sun. Well, fuck you! That's what I would have said if this person didn't have the power to make me broke. Luckily I have experience taking direction from ignorant leaders... I should put that shit on my resume. Speaking of my resume, I won't even go into how very unprofessional it is to throw around these types of comments in an office setting. I think that goes without saying. Beyond that, if black is ugly what else is it? Stupid? I can't help but wonder how this perception affects this person's opinion of me and other dark skinned employees.

The major problem with this type of ignorance is that it really heats me up. I was sitting at my desk fuming looking for IM buddies to talk to for at least an hour.