Mickey got me good...

So I won't bore you with the details of my hectic life, but trust me: I have WAY more to do that shoot the shit on MBT these days. Still, I've been guilt tripped into posting.

Last weekend was a glorious one. I felt like Young Jeezy at Magic City making it rain. Only, I was making it rain by throwing dollars at Mickey Mouse and taking it in the rear with no lube at Sea World. Yes, I went to Orlando and attempted to give my nephew and niece the dream vacation of going to Disney. It was kind of like I was the ho and Disney corporation was my pimp. I worked hard for my cash and then went to Orlando and gave it to Walt and his boys. It was really grandma's idea to reward this her first grandson with a trip to Disney for his graduation gift. Um, he's just going to middle school, isn't that required? Anyway, I'm just saying that I don't recall getting shit for moving on to middle school. I was doing good to get a new Cross Colors shirt to rock on the first day! Furthermore, what the hell happens to women when their children have children? I found myself wondering that several times as I watched my mom interact with my nephew.

My mama was NO JOKE when I was growing up. When she would chaperon trips for my school or at church, my friends would be like, ugh how do you live with her? She's SO MEAN! But she wasn't as mean to me because I kept my ass in line. It's a wonder I found my voice because children weren't allowed to have voices and make choices in my house. Fast forward to 2007 and my brother's son not only has a voice, he rolls thunder with it. If grandma even thinks he wants something he gets it. When he wastes food and me and my sister fuss at him, grandma steps in to defend him, "He doesn't have a big appetite." Well, why the hell did we let him order this big ass meal? SIGH... Anyway.. I just think it's crazy.Furthermore, I can't wait to have my kids so that I can send them to grandma's house for all the freedom they can stand. Then my home can be a little kingdom where my children only study, do chores and obey [yeah right].

No but seriously, he's cute, but my nephew is no saint. And there were times when I was looking at my mom, peering into her eyes to make sure that she hadn't had her body snatched. I mean, I felt like saying, "Who are you?! Where's my mom?" I would tense up anticipating the punishment for my nephew and nothing. I'd wait for the next offense, like, oh she's gonna embarrass him this time... wait for it... NOTHING! So, my sister and I did all the screaming and grandma was the protector.

Back to Disney. We went too late the first day so we couldn't do everything. Then on the Sea World day it rained. Hard.. I don't know if you've been in this situation before. I mean, as a paying adult. Here's how it goes: You fork over about $70 for yourself and $50 + for the children, only to get rained on. Then you have to watch the wind disappear from their sails when they realize that they can't move on to the next ride or feed the dolphins. The guilt is just so painful.. THEN comes the complaints. "I want to ride this! I didn't get to do that. I'm so upset."

OH REALLY? You're upset? Well let me see you bank account so we can determine how much you've lost, oh wait, you don't have a fucking bank account! So all you lost was time that you would have spent playing video games or swimming? Let me show you what I lost while standing in the rain. Grown folks have to feel me on this. I'm out here feeling slight disappointment for them missing out on stuff, but then there's the money that I spent and the lack of memories. I remember my first trip to Disney. I was 5 and it was really magical. I got a Minnie doll and my dad ate all the doughnuts and the sandwiches got all wet from the ice in the cooler. I was devastated by those things, so that let's you know how my parents got down. So while I really felt horrible that the kids didn't get to see everything, I had to shut down all whining. I just couldn't take it on top of the guilt and the financial loss.

Furthermore, can I just say that the money being spent at these parks is sickening? I was on the ferry returning to the car and overheard a little Latina girl asking this little white girl's mom how much it cost her to get made into a princess. "It was $200," she replied. "But that includes the photos, the clothes, makeup, hair and shoes." Riiight.... on top of food and souvenirs and entry. Forget about it! And she wasn't the only princess in the park. There were lots of little kids who had been transformed. I was like, Damn. I need to get into the theme park business.

Disney is magical, but I'm over it. I refuse to return without my own children. Don't even ask.