What a Wuss

Today is pretty ordinary. I went to lunch today for the first time all week. Hooray for my budget! I had to bring my laptop to lunch and get some work done. I ordered food with no questions asked, which is major for me. I usually ask at least two questions, but I knew what I wanted because I always get the same turkey burger. I know you really care about these details, that's why I share.

Anyway, my waiter is this hippy dude. I think he's hitting the peyote too hard because he was slow moving. Sure it could have been the other guest in there getting to him, but I like to imagine he's just stoned. I mean, he fumbled my ketchup request. I had to get up and ask him for it, then when it didn't arrive in a timely fashion (food's getting cold and I refuse to eat w/out my condiment of choice) I have to get up again and ask someone else.

Finally, I'm done and he drops the check. Thanks. I meant to pay immediately, but got wrapped up in my work. So this other waitress comes by and says, "Can you pay this. The other guy has to go and needs to close the blah blah blah blah blah..." She's giving me far too much info. I almost snapped like, "I GOT IT! Please go away!" I don't need a dissertation on how shift change works, no one does. I simply forgot the check was sitting there. So I put down my card, she takes it and guess who brings it back? Hippie boy.. Well, look who's here! What have you done for me lately? Nothing, that's what.

I think this dude was waiting on me to pay my bill and bitching to his co-worker, who took matters into her own hands and asked me to pay. She reminds me or me, if you know what i mean, so I didn't appreciate it. What a punk! Bring yo twinkie-filling ass over and ask me to pay... By the time someone else does it she was already frustrated with me, meanwhile I'm innocent. I was never formally asked to pay. This reminds me of when I was a waitress and assholes would be pissed because they didn't get something that they never asked me to bring. An empty glass of water, I can understand, it's obvious. You're missing a side of mashed potatoes? Give me fking break. Just let me know and I'll get you some, problem solved. But people would get really grumpy with me for not recognizing a minor detail. Sigh.

The waitress who went too far in asking me to pay the check is a problem solver. I ain't mad at her. The waiter who didn't have the balls to interrupt me is someone who avoids conflict, but really there was no conflict to avoid. Part of me couldn't help but think that he assumed I was difficult to approach, which is why his problem solver felt the need to break down the importance of paying the check.

This waiter's weakness disturbs me. It's bigger than missing ketchup and slow paying customers. The world would be a better, less stressful place if people didn't waste so much time complaining and brooding, and spent more time developing solutions to their problems. Complaining can be helpful because sometimes when I hear myself complaining it's the first time I realized that I really have a problem that needs to be solved. Then I solve it.

I could wrap this up with a word of advice, but why the hell should you listen to me?

BET's borderline ghetto awards show

Last night I watched the BET awards live. Yes, it will air no less than 20 times before Friday but I wanted to see it first. Plus, I didn't have anything else to do.

Before it started I was on the phone with someone and told them that's what I'd be watching. They called it the "ghetto awards show." And I didn't feel like arguing—yes, there is a point in the day when I just get tired of shit talking—so I let him have that. If I had the strength I would have asked him what makes the show ghetto. Is it because black people are in charge and anything black-run has a ghetto stigma attached to it? People are so quick to call black-owned things ghetto, but when they open their business they expect everyone to support. Whatever.

Anyways, I watched the show and about half way through I was like.. man, this is kind of ghetto. By the time 50 Cent's big performance came around, I was through. They say that 100,000 people voted on what song 50 should perform. He has anti-gravity chicks swirling in mid-air hanging onto fabric and when it's time for him to rap the first verse, there's no background vocals. The track playing in the background was an instrumental that only had a hook in it. Clearly 50 wasn't prepared for this. He kept saying, "yeah, come on... yeah.." Then he dropped the f-bomb on live TV.. "What the fuck?" He walked into the crowd and dapped everyone up.. then the chorus came back and he sang along. So, the second verse he was prepared to rap for himself. (I think...) But how about the DJ who was standing there as the instrumental played... he was just chilling as if he has NO control over the music. PLEASE oh PLEASE don't tell me that we have to put up with non-stop lip syncing AND phony DJs that stand behind turntables like a prop! If that DJ was in control, we would have seen him listening to his headphones, cuing the correct song or shuffling through CDs, since vinyl is played out. Oh.. so 50 sat down on the stage before the song ended.. Before the music stopped you could hear him say into the mic, "it doesn't matter anymore."Which I thought was funny! It sure as hell didn't.

In all fairness, this wasn't too different from what happened to Ashley Simpson on "SNL" when her band "played the wrong song" and she did the Ho Down dance. But 50 wasn't the only artist with sound issues last night. I'm sitting there like, this NEVER happens at the MTV awards.

Overall I liked the show. There were too many "surprises" and Mo'Nique and Beyoncé got old to me.. but whatever. I loved Don Cheadle's speech, T.I.'s speech (he apologized for fighting with Luda's manager after Kevin Lyles's party) and Diana Ross's speech (she told young female singers that she's proof that you don't have to be raunchy and strip down to have longevity in this business). While I kind of think Diana's out of touch with the industry in this regard, I thought it was awesome that a legend in the game said that to all of these girls struggling to be half naked and "classy" at the same time. It's hard! I know I can't do it.

Anyway.. that's what I thought. BTW, I watched the show on my new flat screen TV and it made everyone look so fat! A coworker of mine says that HD and flat screens have that effect on people. Half way through the show I was like, what are these chicks eating? Ashanti, Lil Kim and Beyonce looked way more hippy than before. But today I saw pictures online and they're not that bad.. Except for Lil Kim.. And Jennifer Hudson's kangaroo pouch was still visible in photos. I love her though. She was my favorite star last night. I thought she was believably shocked at the awards that she won. Good for her!

I don't think BET's show is ghetto, but it sure as hell isn't executed as flawlessly as other shows and being new isn't really an excuse in year seven. It's walking the ghetto line. It's kind of in the territory of where I live. My section of the street is okay, but if you walk a few blocks away, watch out. There's plenty of room for improvement, kind of like my street. Ghetto awards shows that can't be helped and should be avoided are VIBE Awards and Source Awards, hell even the Soul Train Music Awards.

Blue collar slob

So.. my AC went out over the weekend. At first it was nothing major because I like it hot, but last night when I was sweating in my skimpies, it got out of hand. I say all that to say that I'm very grateful to the AC repair man who came out today. He came out last time this happened too.. wearing the same T-shirt no less. It must be the red T that he wears when he's coming to see me. Of course, the stains all over it kind of look like he wears this shirt EVERY day.

He also has the infamous "plumber's crack" which I had the pleasure of checking out the first time he came through. I really barely saw him this time. But he's very, very large and slobby. Normally I wouldn't let someone who looked like that into my crib. But everytime I open the door and see this mound of a slob standing there, he barely has to convince me that he's the AC repair guy. It's like.. understood. Maybe he wears that dirty red shirt so that people will always recognize him?

I don't know. But I wonder if we should hold our repair men to higher standards of cleanliness. I mean, sure they do a great job either way, but damn. He's really f-king dirty! Now, I'm not being a total snob about this. My father is a blue collar man. He actually works in the maintanence dept for a factory as a welder and some days he gets pretty dirty.
But you know what? He comes home and washes thoroughly, then the next day, he puts on fresh clothes. Even back when he wore identical blue shirts that had his name on them, they were all clean. What's more.. he wears a belt to work EVERY day. He has work belts and dress up belts. So, I'm not being unreasonable or ignorant about the toll that hard labor can take on a person. I just wish for once I could open the door for a hot, clean-shaven AC repair guy wearing a clean t-shirt.. maybe with some pecs like 50 Cent.. you know, like they do in the flicks. He'd say.. I hear it's hot and steamy in here. LOL.. and well.. I'd curse him out for getting fresh with me.

What's wrong with people?

I've never been so hyped by other people's emotions that they become my own. I don't know if I'm built for a mob moment, but there are a few people in Austin, TX who are.

Surely you've heard that a 40-year-old man was beaten to death after the car he was riding in his small child. The kid wasn't killed and didn't have life threatening injuries. The reports say that the driver got out to check on the kid, which seems like the right thing to do. Then a mob of people confronted him, so his passenger David Morales got out to help the driver. They beat him to death- over what? Trying to help a friend who was trying to help a kid he accidentally struck? I wonder if they feel stupid now that it's all over and he's dead and the child lives on? I hope someone turns them in. They clearly need to be caged up.

Accidents happen and people can't just beat each other - not even a little bit- just because they're upset. I had a friend who got hit by a car in New Orleans. We were walking together and I got out of the way, but she didn't see the crazy girl coming. I was mad. I cursed at the dumb girl, asked her if she was crazy, told her that she did it on purpose since she clearly had her eyesight in tact. Wait, where am I going with this? Oh, right. I didn't whoop her ass. And I think that I could have taken her.. I could have AT least gotten in a cheap shot, but what would that do for me? My friend wasn't that hurt. I wasn't even that mad. Everything was OK. Just like this little kid in Austin is OK. People get hit by cars like every day. But of course, the reaction wasn't normal because there were so many people around. A homicide division commander from Austin said, when a few people lose control, it can spread quickly to others in the crowd. What a shitty way to go. I feel for his family.

Now you have to worry about getting fked up if you have an accident.

Go away, Don

Today I would like to say that I'm officially tired of hearing about the Don Imus controversy. I don't really want to discuss his comments or the shock waves they sent through the community. Please let this nonsense die. Words are only as painful as you make them. On second thought, I don't mind continuing to talk about the low-life language on the airwaves and removing stripper music from the radio. Just leave Don out of it.

Also.. I need to know what's up with these ghetto prom emails. I saw another one today and I'm starting to just stop believing that these kids think they're going to the prom. I mean, the ghetto's idea of getting dressed up can't be that far off from the rest of society. I tried to get the name of the high school out of one of these pictures but this boy's hat was too big. Here's the thing, I think they're having a costume ball or maybe a homecoming event. But government cheese and powdered milk, which I've consumed, doesn't have the same effect as paint chips when you eat them. You can't tell me that living in the ghetto means you think stripper wear is formal wear. I want to call one of these schools and get to the bottom of it. I think that if allowed to tell their side of the story, they'd be glad to explain what we're looking at in these pictures. If you know these kids.. please step in and tell everyone the truth.

Craziest thing I've heard lately.. Eastern Michigan university lied and told the parents of a female student who was found dead in her dorm room that she died of natural causes after a freak accident. Then 10 weeks later they turn around and tell the parents and the campus that they had secretly conducted a criminal investigation and arrested a fellow student for the rape and murder of this same girl. I've heard of schools trying to protect their image, but this is extreme. How could they let a monster capabale of rape and murder roam their campus for months without alerting the student body?? How could they NOT tell the parents the truth?
CRAZY!

Trying not to be a stranger

So.. this weekend I went to Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, VA. It's not as cool as the Tampa version of the park, but it's aight. And I can drive to it. It's not all about roller coasters at this park, but Tampa has lots of animals to keep you busy in between roller coasters. So, I'm thinking.. I haven't been since I was a kid. I'll drink beer. I mean it is Anheuser-Busch's park. This company brews more than 60 varieties of beer and pu$$y drinks like Bacardi Silver, Doc's Hard Lemonade and O'Douls. Let's not even talk about the microbrews & int'l brands they're distributing. What do they serve in their amusement parks? A cute selection of Bud Light, Amber Bock, Budweiser, O'Douls, probably Michelob. I don't even remember.. the point is that it was a weak and limited selection. They get a thumbs down for not serving a wider selection and two thumbs down for selling their own beer at a higher price in their OWN park than outside retailers. Give us a break. Adults pay $50 at least and you can't give us a discount on beer? OK, I understand the bottle prices could be set, but I can't get a deal on the drafts? Geesh..

The other thing that struck me, and other people I overheard, was the amount of people who brought infants and newborns out to the park in 90+ degree weather. Why? It's hot and they're just eating and pooping. Now you're changing diapers and breast feeding in the hot-ass sun. Babies don't want salty breast milk! (Clearly I don't know anything about breast feeding, but I know that the body gets salty tasting in the heat.) Seems like a good excuse to save $50 and watch the baby in the hotel.

Hmm.. what else? I had one of those Stouffer's Corner Bistro panini sandwiches for lunch. Man, if you haven't tried it and your pockets are slim, these things are pretty damn good. First they've utilized this trippy technology that makes your microwave act like a grill. It's a silver-color paper disc that the sandwich sits on. Then when you fold it up you see that the plate left little streaks and it looks like it's been grilled. I was impressed. This was my second one and it didn't let me down.

I've clearly ran out of shit to discuss.. talk to ya later.

More Michael Moore

I ran across this neat article on Newsweek.com and it's about Michael Moore giving $12,000 to his biggest hater. This guy runs a popular anti-Michael Moore Web site and he started posting about
how he's nearly bankrupt because of his wife's medical bills. Mike's new documentary shows the posts and the fact that he got the money, but he never knew until recently that the money was from the man he hates the most, my BFF Michael Moore.

When they guy was tipped that the money could be from Michael Moore, he came off all grumpy as if to say, thanks, jerk.

If this was Moore behind it all, then I have to say...nice try, dude, but I’m not going to play your game. You can call it a cost of promotion. This site has sold more books and DVDs for you than that $12,000 could ever buy. You’ve gotten your money’s worth. If it was you, Mikey...your $12,000 doesn’t buy my silence. It won’t buy my affection, nor will I shy away from talking about whatever may or may not be in your new film. I’ll still be the same guy, expressing my opinion and trying his best to research facts you tend to skip over or ignore.

That is just part of his response. Of course, he's a little more grateful and understanding of Michael's motives in his interview with Newsweek.

In the end it reduced the stress on my wife, and taking away even one of her worries—in this case it made it possible for us to pay off everything faster than we'd planned—is worth a lot. Besides, Mike's not the devil or anything. It's not like Joe Stalin made me an offer! He's a guy who sees value in us being out there, analyzing his work and asking questions.

I don't care who gives me $12,000 in a time of need. I would be happy. Despite that person's motives, your need for that cash was greater.

That's not journalism

Hey folks.. There aren't any real burning issues on my mind today, but someone notified me last night that "ni-&as in the streets" check MBT on a regular basis [yeah, right] and when there isn't a new post they feel.. less than. Or like an ass for wasting their time. There there.. I'll talk shit about someone for those who enjoy reading it.

Today, broadcast journalist/lawyer Chris Cuomo of ABC's "Good Morning America" tops my shit list. I watch GMA every day.. it's just my thing. Even when they piss me off or bore me to death with non-news coverage I rarely turn the channel like I should.

I have a like/hate relationship with Chris Cuomo, who's kinda new to the team. He first pissed me off with his highly-opinionated coverage of the Duke Lacrosse team Rape case. Oh, he just new stripper girl was lying and that these kids had done nothing wrong. At least, that's what his coverage of the event implied.

This week he's going at my boy, the Oscar winning documentarian Michael Moore. He did an interview with Michael that's being broken into segments and today was the second one. In case you haven't heard, Michael's new movie Sicko medical is hitting theaters soon. He's taking on the health care industry and the media's coverage of it. Anyway, Chris is going at Michael all hard in the interview like he's releasing a sex tape starting the Cuomo clan. I mean, tell us why your mad, son. Chris is like "Why'd you take sickly 9/11 clean up workers to Cuba?" and Michael's like, "I didn't take them to Cuba, I took them to Guantanamo Bay, where detainees receive free health care." These people were sick and he wanted to make a point that people we should assume are criminals (or have thought about committing crimes against the U.S.) are receiving treatments for free and the 9/11 workers who have respiratory illnesses from the clean up can't afford health care.

Chris was like, that's a stunt. You knew they weren't going to let you in. Michael was like, it's not a stunt, I'm making a point. Chris retorts, "But that's not journalism." Whoa. Who are you to define what is and isn't journalism?? He's a documentarian and opinionated interviews like Chris Cuomos aren't shining examples of journalism either.

I like Mike Moore. I don't agree with everything he does or says, but he's entertaining and very effective at exposing the problems within our democracy that's supposed to be an example for all nations. We bring freedom, justice and democracy to the world, meanwhile I just watched a news story about a lady who died in the waiting room at a hospital after spitting up blood for about 45 mins. She died in front of her husband and other poor schmucks waiting for "emergency care." They were calling 911 and 911 operators were like, "Um, you're at the hospital. Tell them she's dying." That's not really the point, but Mike is trying to expose the problems with our health care system at a critical point in the election process. Good for him.

Chris Cuomo is just jealous that people don't listen to him like they do Michael Moore. And because he doesn't have any facial hair. That's not Mikes fault, Chris! He's also probably jealous that he isn't able to share his political opinions fearlessly like Moore. Moore is my friend, if he were sick I'd bring him ice cream like Forrest did for Lieutenant Dan. (Since he's trying to lose weight to cut down on the cost of health care, maybe I'd bring him frozen yogurt.) If I were sick, Moore would probably bring me ginger tea, which always makes me feel better. And then he'd rub my forehead and tuck me in and read a book while I slept.

Then today on GMA, Michael is defended whatever statements he made in the film about the media's coverage of health care issues and the war in Iraq. I'm not clear on what he said and refuse to pause and research right now, but the point is that Chris got all puffy and told Michael not to talk about "this house." "This is the house of Bob Woodruff." Chris defended the honor of the many journalists who've been injured and killed while covering the war in Iraq. Michael didn't say shit about Bob. And Chris knows good and damn well that wasn't what he was trying to do. Michael made his disclaimer and paid a compliment to Woodruff's specials that have ran since he's feeling better.

Anyway, it bothered me to see Chris go at my friend like that. I mean, next time I have Michael over for dinner, we're SO going to make jokes about Chris. I'm going to set up a large picture of him and we can use a magic marker and draw little horns on his head and a funny mustache. It'll be great.

But then, the interview was over and the show moved on and Chris made a funny and I laughed. Chris also made funnies while talking with Michael Moore and Michael laughed. So I think, sometimes, he's not such a prick. But any time he tries to be all "big time exclusive interview journalist" he goes all bitchy with it. I'm like, who's your idol Bill O'Reilly? And while I'm on the subject. Does any one else who gives a shit notice how his posture changes when he does cooking segments with TV One chef G. Garvin? "Hey, you Jive Turkey, this chicken wing is dynomite! Who taught you to cook so good?" lol. It's actually not that bad, but he could tone it down a little.

That's how I feel about that. ... So there. I blogged

Death isn't funny.. But

Today I got the sad news that Tony Thompson, lead singer of the group Hi-Five, has transitioned. That's new school old folks term for dying. They call it transitioning... Anyway, it's sad because it's unexpected, he's 31 and people love him. I'm not sad because I felt no connection and people die all the time-it'd be unrealistic for me to be too sad. Maybe that's why I found reading his myspace pages slightly humorous today. Lately everyone's been going to Myspace when tragedy strikes. I did it when VA Tech got shot up. It's an easy way for people to reach out and say, I'm okay. Or send condolences. I've noticed the news reporters will use the posts in their stories too.

BUT, when the news is Tony Thompson found dead at 31, possibly over a drug overdose. You shouldn't be addressing him directly as if he's alive on Myspace. I mean, I just got a slight chuckle out of the many many people saying, "I can't believe you're gone when I was just listening to you." Um, can you believe that Tupac is gone? Ok, bad example. Even I can't believe Pac is gone.

The post that inspired this post: "Oh I forgot one more thing, I was shocked to find out that you had died."

I know that death is extremely hard to take, so I'm not laughing at the death or the sadness and shock that makes people say silly things. But you gotta admit, it's silly. It gets super silly when you notice how many people are still posting directly to someone who's been gone for a whole weekend. Groupies professing their love.

Anyways, I bet it's therapeutic. Here's what I'm wondering. You know how in movies, the dead people always try to attend their own funerals and see people crying? It's kind of Hollywood, but I'm sure most of us kinda sorta hope we can watch our own funerals. Okay, just me? Whatever.

So, now I'm like. Can dead people read myspace posts? Obviously, this guys fans and friends think so. I'd like to read my myspace page when I'm gone. Hollywood hasn't really tackled that in film yet, but there's a lot of love on Myspace and there's more room for comments than at a funeral. How ill would that be if someone got a response from beyond? I mean, we may want to get some supernatural types on this. Cause if I can communicate to someone in the afterlife via email or something, I'm ready. Well, I haven't lost many technically savvy people yet, but I know as time moves on everyone will know how to log on and send notes.