It's our anniversary, bitches #4

I love Valentine's day and this year was sweeter because everyone really got involved in sharing their thoughts. D.A. dropped science on us... Oh, how I miss his words of wisdom.

D.A. said...

Hmmm ... I don't really have any ideas for a wack Valentine's Day, because I'm a guy. For us, they're ALL bad Valentine's Days. Before you start bitching, let it be known that I'll throw down some flowers and a gift, and I'll even get in the kitchen and whip up a nice meal. I like doing things for ladies. No problem there.

Where the problem comes in is the MENTALITY behind the holiday, or rather what the mentality has become. In my thinking, it should be a holiday in which two people who love each other express said love with small remembrances and some nasty, filthy, depraved sex. That's it. No huge expense, no worries, no ploitics. But here are some examples of what I hear for a month leading up to the Vicious V:
• "If my man brings me some old Hershey's for Valentine's Day, he's NOT sleeping with me that night." Heard this gem on the radio the other day, in a preview for a news spot on good/fancy candy vs. the regular stuff. And by the way, the bitch saying it sounded ugly and country enough that this probably wouldn't be a problem for her man. He's probably on his way to The Dollar Store right now, solely for the purpose of NOT having to sleep with the creature his blushing bride has become.
• "Give her a diamond to show your love this Valentine's Day." W ... T ... F?! No, seriously, WTF?! When in Christ's name did spending too much money on shiny rocks become synonymous with love? Now, not only are we getting stuck with a big engagement-ring bill, we gotta buy one for every fucking holiday some schmuck can come up with? Give me a small break. It's about emotion, folks, not possessions. Unless you consider your woman to BE your possession, in which case you're probably not too worried about what you buy her anyway.
• "If you want to break a grown woman's heart. bring her something from Disney World." Heard this shitball from atsui just a few minutes ago. Ever heard, "It's the thought that counts"? I didn't think so. Look, guys are stupid. Plain and simple, we flatly do NOT know what to get women for gifts. We just don't. We flounder, we flub, we occasionally totally screw up. Forgive us our stupidity as we forgive your complaining about bad gifts.

Oh, and I can't help but notice that the guy posts on here are about screwing up and not getting the "right" thing for some dame, and the lady posts are about how some guy screwed up and didn't get the "right" thing ... or didn't get anything at all ... or is an asshole because he didn't read their mind. (Except for Twiz, that is, who must be a straight-up pimp who has this lady thing knocked. My hat's off to you, my friend.).

In close, let's stop for a minute and think about what this holiday really means to us as people and mates and family and lovers and friends. It means only one thing ... FUCKING. Thank you, and good night.

It's our anniversary, bitches #6-5

I'm not sure why Kuh lay calls me Crusty, but I love the energy he put into defending this McGriddle sandwich. I actually love this entire string of responses to my faux paux of dissing the almighty McShittle breakfast sandwich. So I'm going share a few. My publicist RSH must be doing some side work, because she is pumping someone elses blog entry in this case, but it was great. And she didn't include the URL so that's what's up.


Kuh lay said...

I like the thought process here..

"I don't really like pancakes so I'm gonna order two small pancakes with cheese and eggs on them!"

Sounds like a good idea, right? Yeah.. no.

Sorry if I seem a little heated but you just attacked one of the tastiest little bundles of calorie laden, artery clogging, gratuitous-advertising-having, deliciousness ever! You had to expect backlash from it's followers.

The 'M' branding (or is it a Dub-Yah... ) is a little much though. I'll give you that. And... I don't really eat them because they make me a little queasy about an hour later. They taste great though, Crusty. Bite your tongue!

RSH said...

okay, so this conversation started and ended forever ago....BUT, i just read this other blog and it was funny.

"HAVE YOU GUYS OUT THERE EVER HAD A McGRIDDLE BEFORE? WELL IF YOU HAVENT BY NOW, I WAS THE FIRST ONE OUT OF ALL MY FRIENDS TO HAVE ONE ABOUT 5 OR 6 YEARS AGO........IT ALL STARTED ONE WEDNESDAY MORNING ON MY WAY TO WORK. I HAD SEEN ALL THE ASDVERTISEMENTS ON TV ABOUT THIS NEW SANDWICH BUT I WAS SET IN STONE ON MY SAUSAGE EGG AND CHEESE McMUFFIN...Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmm. SO WHEN I GOT TO McDONALDS I SAID"FUCK IT" IM GOING TO TRY ONE OF THESE NEW SANDWICHES(I HAD A BUY ONE GET ONE FREE COUPON).... LOL....SO AFTER I DRIVE OFF AND GO THROUGH MY BAG,THERE WAS ACTUALLY 3 SANDWICHES IN THERE...(THIS IS WHERE MY WORLD CHANGED) I OPENED ONE UP AND IT SMELLED SO GOOD,YOU COULD SMELL THE SWEET SYRUP SMELL MIXED IN WITH THE EGGS AND SAUSAGE.....I RAISED THE SANDWICH UP TO MY MOUTH AND TOOK A BITE!!!!!! IT WAS ORGASMIC...IT WAS LIKE I HAD JUST TOOK A BITE OUT OF HEAVEN AND PUT IT IN MY MOUTH...... THE SWEET SENSATION OF SYRUP,EGGS,SAUSAGE,AND MUFFIN WERE FLOATING ON MY TOUNGE....I ALMOST CRASHED INTO THE BACK OF SOMEONE BECAUSE I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION.....(THIS IS AS TRUE OF A STORY AS I CAN GET)...I CALLED BIG GIO AND WAS LIKE"DAWG I JUST ATE THE BEST THING SINCE PUSSY" HE COULD HARDLY UNDERSTAND ME BECAUSE I WAS STILL SUCKING DOWN MY SANDWICH AND HE WAS STILL HALF ASLEEP....HE WAS LIKE "NIGGA,WHY THE HELL YOU CALLING ME 6 IN THE MORNING TALKING ABOUT SOME DAMN SANDWICH" SO HE HUNG UP ON ME!!!!! I WASNT EVEN PISSED BECAUSE I STILL HAD ONE MORE McGRIDDLE TO GO..... I WAS ON A HIGH THAT IVE NEVER BEEN ON BEFORE I WAS TELLING EVERYONE AT WORK ABOUT THE SANDWICH(OF COURSE TURLE WAS TALKING SHIT SAYING"NIGGA STOP EXAGERRATING")...SO THE NEXT MORNING I WAS BACK AT McDONALDS FOR ANOTHER ROUND OF McGRIDDELS THIS TIME I HAD 2 COUPONS FOR BUY ONE GET ONE FREE..... AND AS THE DAY BEFORE THEY WERE SOOOOOOOO DAMN GOOD!!!! AROUND 9:37AM I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM BIG GIO.....I COULD HARDLEY UNDERSTAND HIM, I WAS LIKE NIGGA TALK INTO THE PHONE I CANT UNDERSTAND YOU..HE HAD GOTTEN A MCGRIDDLE AND WAS HAVING THE SAME REACTION I HAD WHEN I HAD MY FIRST!!!!! HE WAS LIKE "STACY YOU WASNT LYING ABOUT THIS SHIT,ITS THE BEST THING IVE EVER TASTED".....SOON THE NEWS ABOUT THE McGRIDDLE WAS SPREADING THROUGH ALL MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS....WE WERE ALL HOOKED!!!!!....... THERE HASNT BEEN A PHENOMENON LIKE THE McGRIDDLE IN A LONG TIME....... I KNOW A BLACK MAN HAD TO INVENT THE MCGRIDDLE BECAUSE WHO ELSE WOULD POUR SYRUP ONTO A BREAKFAST SANDWICH BESIDES US? BIG GIO MAKES THE BEST HOME MADE McGRIDDLES......MY BAD(McGIO"S).....HOPEFULLY ONE DAY SOME OF YOU GUYS OUT THERE MIGHT EXPERIENCE SOMETHING LIKE I DID AT THE TURN OF THE MILLINIA............."McGRIDDLES" Mmmmmmm Mmmmmmmm Goooooood!!!!!!"

Chronomentrophobia

OutKast has done it again. I miss the old Kast, but I can't be mad at these dudes for taking their game to the next level. Did anyone see Idlewild over the weekend? I did. Wanna hear about it? I will say that the end is sad.. but it's totally predictable, so I'm not ruining shit for you.

Other than that, it was super entertaining. The music is great like the critics say. The story line ain't half bad. Big Boi is very believable in his role as an entertainer, husband, father and womanizer. He's the witness to a murder that makes him the owner of a cabaret style club. Andre is a mortician's son who takes up the family business, but also has a talent for playing the piano and writing music. A lovely lady blows into town to perform at the club, just as everything starts to go down w/ Big Boi taking over. She falls for Dre- not too quickly though. The movie was well paced, I was never bored and it was kinda funny.

At the end Andre 3000 does a musical number as the credits role. It's very "Hey Ya"-esque because he's got the hot feet, dancing around like.. well, like he does. And he's smiling bigger than any rapper's allowed to smile. I was thinking, he must have been just miserable as Dre from OutKast. You know, wearing baseball caps and a fade and jerseys.. Booooring! I just wonder if this happy dancer was inside of him the whole time.. it's kinda funny.

There's this song that rocked pretty damn hard (I have the soundtrack too, so I've listened to it a bit). It's called "Chronomentrophobia".. It's only like 2 mins. long, but they have a scene in the movie where he pops out of bed and starts singing it. I laughed, but then it was hot. I'm impressed that they can make something so lame feel and sound so cool. Andre's character sleeps under like 20 cookoo bird clocks.. it's kinda weird, but I'm sure that's the point.

1: chronomentrophobia: a persistent, abnormal, and unwarranted fear of clocks , despite the understanding by the phobic individual and reassurance by others that there is no danger. 2: chronomentrophobia: a strong fear of, dislike of, or aversion to clocks.

Puh-lease!

It could be my upbringing, but I seriously doubt it. And I know I have a problem with authority-- nothing documented, just a bubble in the tum when people try to tell me what to do. But I’m honestly having a problem with people asking me to do something and not saying please. And by people, I mean one person in particular, but I think it’s bigger than that person. Here’s why: It’s all about your tone.

Say you’re making dinner and I happen to be in your kitchen. You cut yourself, and say, “Grab a towel!” I’m gonna be like, oh shit, here you go.. are you okay? If your tone is urgent, I can cut you some slack.

If we’re in the kitchen together and we’re both chopping veggies and you say, “Grab that towel!” I’m gonna look at you like, what the hell is wrong with your hands? See, the situation isn’t urgent, there’s time to be polite. Even if you soften it up and don’t use please, “Can you grab that towel for me?” I think please is implied.

In fact, I think questions automatically become commands when people leave the please off. And I’m sure that I have a problem with commands- that’s why I was never cool with the military recruiters in high school. I knew what they wanted; they wanted me to stand around while some jerk told me what to do and called me a maggot and made jokes about my momma. I’ve seen Forrest Gump and 1,000 times. So my point is that there’s ample time for this five-letter word in most situations. I feel that some “people” simply don’t use it because they intend to bark an order. They expect shit to happen when they speak and they know that they forgot the magic word. Now, when you put all of this, just hypothetically, in a work setting… I think it’s just unacceptable. Am I trippin'? Of course, this goes back to the classic work issue of how people handle stress. Or how they use stress as a scapegoat for their rudeness..

Speaking of rude shit that annoys me, can we all take this vow right now? Raise your right hand, please.

I [insert name] do solemnly swear to say “bye,” “peace” or some type of sign off when I’m finished talking on the phone. I understand that this may take up to five additional seconds, but I am willing to sacrifice that time for the greater good of mankind. Furthermore, if I do not have five additional seconds to spare at the end of every conversation, I will wait until I have time to properly address the person I’m contacting.

cookoo for myspace

So, I've joined the MySpace bandwagon officially. I'm all about it, it seems. I can't believe the hold that it has on me. First of all, there's immense pressure to have a page that looks good and represents me. You need the right music, the right background, a hot photo that isn't too seductive, some glittery shit.. I'm not even sure what all of the rules are yet. But from the looks of it, the more digital junk you can pile on without reducing the load time to an hour, the better. I still haven't seen my one of my friends' page because I never have the patience to wait for it. This is my real friend, not a myspace fake friend, which leads me to the most interesting part of my space, well the second most interesting part -- people who have celebrity friends.

No doubt, I have Little Brother as my friend, but I actually know one of them. And they're not quite A-list anyway (damn shame). You won't catch Pharrell or Jay-Z on my MySpace page, unless I meet them and they say "yo hit me up on myspace." And why the hell would they say that? It's just crazy. People have all these friggin' celebs on their pages, like whateva!

But, it's kinda like crack. I actually heard myself talking about my page on the phone earlier today. Like, discussing how many friends I have (5 with 2 pending..) and that I've added a photo of my cat. How lame!! First, I watch dreadful reality TV shows and try to make sense of them, and now, I speak openly about myspace. Look at me, I'm professing my wackness right now.

Anyway, no matter how lame and late I've arrived to this party, myspace is a problem. I spent far too much valuable time yesterday hooking up my page, talking to friends and reading the pages of my friends, only to click on a link to another friend from high school and start talking to them.. see how this works? And then, when I finally get back to my real life and check my personal email, there are messages from Myspace begging me to return because someone sent me a note. Not to mention the pressure that I'm under to make as many F-in friends as possible.. So as not to seem like bigger loser than I already must be to give a shit in the first place.

I can only promise not to be or have any myspace jumpoffs. That's where I draw the line. But recently a young lady I know was telling me that she was hanging with a myspace friend. In fact, she'd invited me to this hangout, but failed to mention this was a myspace first-time meet and greet. I missed it by accident. And surprisingly, he turned out to be a pretty strange guy in person. The things he did could never come across on the computer or in emails. At least they hung out in a group.

Luda's new 'do

Breaking news! I just noticed that Ludacris cut his hair off. I think he looks great without it. I love boys with lots of hair, but he looks pretty fresh and clean with this cut. Like, who's that dude?!

When the Levees Broke...

So, I hope everyone with HBO got to see the first part of Spike Lee's documentary When the Levees Broke. The controversial part came early on when people started saying that they heard an explosion before the levees broke. Some nice people think that Spike is foul for giving these people a platform to share their theory that the levees were bombed. Someone told me this earlier in the day before I watched the documentary and I was like, hmm.. that doesn't sound like something George Bush would have a motive for, other than the fact that he loves to blow shit up. So, I wasn't really buying it. But in the documentary, there's a strong case for this.

First, Spike had several people who lived near the levees on camera saying that they heard a loud boom and a series of explosions. Then they explained that New Orleans or "someone" bombed the levees back in the 20s or 60s to protect the French Quarter and affluent parts of the city from flooding. The fact that the levees were bombed is kinda like an urban myth, right? But lots of people believe it happened that way, which made me more willing to accept the theory that they could have been bombed in 05, for the same reason. It's a provocative look at the hurricane. They also had some great colorful people telling their Katrina stories. One lady explained that the heat during Katrina was hotter than "Africa hot" and she's like, they're always saying "Go back to Africa," hell no! But for real, she doesn't seem like she's ever been to Africa, she couldn't even leave New Orleans when the hurricane was coming. What you know about African heat? Another lady was a white woman telling her story with a deuce deuce in her hand standing in a pile of rubble. At one point she was like, "That ain't this talking [taps on her beer], it's the truth!"

Other than moments like that, I was just somber and disappointed by the way people were allowed to suffer and die after Katrina. Spike showed lots of dead bodies floating in the water and laying in the streets, and the worst part is that you know for every body we saw there were at least two more. I think the documentary did a good job telling the story and backing up people's stories with images.

I think that man who told the story of his mother dying in her wheelchair while waiting on the bus, is the same man who's suing the city of New Orleans and several state agencies for willful misconduct. Oh man gosh, he talked about his mother waiting in the heat and asking him every five minutes if the bus was coming. I got the sense that she couldn't see. And he said that she went about 10 min. without asking and when he went to wake her up she was gone. Then her body sat outside in the heat for four days!

OMG! Did anyone see the people from Gretna trying to say that those people weren't shot at on the bridge and that the people standing there weren't police? Wow. The nerves of some folks.

Part two of this comes on tomorrow and I'll be watching. But let me get this straight: If the President lies about getting head in the oval office, that's an impeachable act. If the President leaves thousands of Americans stranded and dying, then lies about his knowledge of how serious the situation was.. that's OK, right?

In closing: George Bush does not care about black people. -Kanye West

It's our Anniversary, bitches #7

Propa_ganda was on point with this post on 9/01/05

propa_ganda said...

The situation down in N.O. is dire. This is why you don’t go willy-nilly waging a senseless war, spending BILLIONS of dollars, and using (and losing) man-power unless it’s ABSOLUTELY necessary. Now we are in desperate need of serious $$$$ to help these people out. What is taking so long to deploy the national guard? They have to restore some form of order in the area. It is very dangerous. But what do you expect? Its hot as fire down there and things are not getting any better. I know tempers are boiling over as the situation gets more and more desperate with no sign of any help. It’s THURSDAY already for crying out loud!!!!! I can’t help but be concerned that most of the people left in that area are black and brown and I don’t have too much confidence in the response time when it comes to people of that persuasion. Get the national guard in there to restore order and so they can continue with rescue missions!!!!

It's our Anniversary, bitches #8

The month is almost over so, we got to get cracking on these... Here's No. 8, which I love because of the wonderful idea that Red State Hostage had at the end...

so i was finally able to see what all the buzz was about last night. straight MESS! i'm sure that Spike Lee is just taking notes, for the sequel to "Bamboozled".

Atsui...I'm glad you brought it up, because I was about to. Crenshaw really did pray to God that she wouldn't have to hit that "bitch ass" again. It wasn't just like a, "Lord please" either. She was on her knees, hands clasped and eyes shut cussing all throughout the prayer. She even told the girl to let her finish so he could REBUKE THE SPIRITS telling her to beat her bitch ass again.

And Sumthin'...oh lawd. When they called her out for shitting on the herself, did she really say "it could happen to any one of us". And Flav really broke it down for us in slow-mo.

LOVE IT...though i wish a password was required for viewing. We can't let all the races see how fucked up these particular black people are. you know some people still only know the blacks they see on tv.

This may not seem fair and it's probably pretty racist, but I feel like some shows could really use a password for viewing. We could also use it to keep kids from watching naughty stuff.. like "Flavor of Love."

Generation Broke

So I recently read an article about this book called Strapped: Why America’s 20- and 30-Somethings Can’t Get Ahead. The author called our generation broke and I couldn’t agree more. All the time I’m like, wow I’m broke. And honestly, it makes me appreciate the little things in life. Like, this food from the grocery store is just as delicious as a $20 entrée from a restaurant, so what it took me three hours to prepare! If the restaurant was popular I may have had a 2 hour wait... so there!

Anyway, back to this article. The author of the book is basically pointing out that we come from a generation that’s highly educated, drowning in debt, working super long hours and making less than ever. In fact, in my opinion, the longer I work the less I make for my time. Coupled with our measly starting salaries, there’s the increase in the cost of EVERYTHING like real estate, gas, college tuition… (They say the average college grad has $20,000 in debt after graduation, while grad of color and from low-income backgrounds owe even more!) Man, I even think that Snickers bars cost more. Those bitches used to be like 3 for $1. Now, CVS is selling them for like $.70. Why do 10 year old DVDs cost the same as New Releases when you rent them? What sense does that make? We all know that DVDs are cheap as dirt to produce... I can own the bootleg for a dollar more! Man, I’m finding it hard to stay focused.. [Before I go on though, I have to point out that a sister wrote a book called The Broke Diaries before this and it's more comical. This is an excerpt.]

So, this lady has this new book that our parents, and anyone who thinks you should be doing better, should read. It basically says, hey! Get off of their backs, they’re broke because society made them that way. She’s saying something that I noticed back in 2002, we’re a generation that was fed the belief that if you work hard and play by the rules you’ll get ahead. Lies! All lies! Man, we had to make super duper grades just to be considered by the top schools. Then you need a clean record, social activities, yadda yadda. So you’re at school until like 8 being super student/athlete/president and coming home doing homework, or hustling your ass home from Wendy’s at like midnight to do homework…only to get to college and find out that the richest minorities in America got all the “merit” based scholarships. I think you got extra “merit points” for every academic degree your parent holds, at my alma mater.
And guess what folks? If a middle class college student can’t graduate and surpass his or her parent’s financial status, how much potential does the lower class college student have? You can’t call mom and dad for a loan cause they ain’t got shit. You still owe lenders AND your “real world” job that you busted ass for 16 years to get is barely helping you break even. The book’s author is saying that breaking into the middle class is harder than ever. The rich are getting richer and everyone else is stuck. This just has me fuming. I say all the time that if I knew then what I know now, I would have taken out even more loans and bought the most expensive degree they offered me. The more prestigious your school, the better your job- end of discussion.

This book is also saying that the richest people in the U.S. are spending major figures on essay “consultants” [read: writers], “tutors” (the kind that do your homework while you get high) and test prep services. So, you're not even competing against kids your age when you come out of high school and aim at the nation's top colleges. You're actually competing against their parents and broke college grads-turned tutors.

There are quite a few people making major moves in their 20s-30s, but I really think that your perception of how many people are doing it depends on who you roll with. Back where I’m from, 20 and 30-somethings have a “good job” if they have benefits and make close to $30,000 annually. Anything over that makes you a baller. I think there seems to be more young successful people because those few who are making it are concentrated in specific sections of the nation.

Unfortunately I haven’t finished this article or read the book, so I have no idea what the solution is. But I have heard that the author is planning to speak to members of Congress and influential types to make them aware of the problem.. Good luck w/ that. Ever heard of global warming? These people aren’t about problem solving unless it’s a problem of who’s paying for their next vacation.

I only have a couple quick solutions…when interest rates go up, how about making student loans exempt? Or how about giving us all low fixed rates to start with? It’s bad enough I gotta pay for undergrad until my kids (who I haven’t even conceived yet) start college, how about cutting me some slack on interest?

Healthcare: Kids and old people get government assistance, how about a little program for post-grads who bust ass all day and have no insurance or shitty insurance? Not dropouts (Sorry dropouts, get your own blog).

If I think of more I’ll be back.. feel free to add your own ideas to my list..

It's our Anniversary, bitches #9

In case you're just catching up, it's the one-year anniversary of MBT. I had this stellar idea of posting my favorite comments. Not easy.. and I don't have a number one in mind. Which means this may lead up to a comment that isn't funny or interesting or worth reading again. But oh well! Here's #9...

Ritchie Rich on the post "Kanye Cries for White Girl".. Kanye was mad (shocking, I know) that Canadian radio stations edit out the words White Girl in "Gold Digger" and leave the word "ass"...

Ritchie Rich said...

Did you know that 35 per cent of all music aired each week on all Canadian radio stations must be "Canadian content?"

What self promoting jerks!

To be considered Canadian content a song must fall within four categories. These catagories have the acronym M.A.P.L. (Like maple syrup, GET IT? They love pancakes up there [and beer.]) M.A.P.L. stands for:
M (music) - the music is composed entirely by a Canadian.
A (artist) - the music and/or the lyrics are performed principally by a Canadian.
P (production) - live performance that is performed wholly in Canada and broadcast live in Canada.
L (lyrics) - the lyrics are written entirely by a Canadian.

Jesus, that was boring.

Anyway, my point is, fuck. I forgot my point. Oh well, new point: Canadians sure are funny.

Also, Strange Brew is a quality movie.

Going to cop this album today!

I like New York, but I hate New Yorkers that think it's the center of the universe. Especially when it comes to hip-hop. Man, if I hear another person talk about hip hop being dead, simply because New York has fallen off I'm going to slap them with a slice of that dry-ass, thin NYC pizza. I spoke with Heavy D recently and asked him if hip-hop was dead. He was like, what do you think? I told him that it's changed and evolved (we may not all like where it went) but it isn't dead. And I made it clear that I think many people feel that it's dead because Southern rappers rule the airwaves and they're so different from the pioneers. Oh, before I forget, he thinks it's near death, no surprise. But he thinks it can be revived. He also told me that I only think it isn't dead because I'm under 30. So, if that's the case then the generation that started hip hop is just too damn old to appreciate it any more. Right? Sorry... By the way I totally respect Heavy D and would never slap him with a slice of dry-ass NYC pizza. It's all love.

Anyways, hip-hop lives, similar to the church of baby Jesus, in our hearts. (Which is why I sleep in on Sundays, but that's another post.) As long as hip hop fans are alive, so lives hip-hop.. As Mos Def once said, hip-hop isn't some giant sleeping in the hill top. And with that, I present proof that not only does it live, it lives below the Mason Dixon line. Lil Wayne's freestyle on Rap City has to please even the oldest hip-hop head.

It's our anniversary, bitches!

It's been a good 12 months and thanks to all who read my rants and random thoughts. I'd like to give special thanks to Dubya Bush, Dave Chappelle, the crazy reality shows like "Black & White," "Being Bobby Brown" (Eagerly awaiting season 2), "Flavor of Love" (hooray for season 2!) and a special thanks to the real people who put their lives on TV knowing that people will be cursing their names. Lastly, a shout out to my special ex-supervisor who inspired the title of my blog.

The only way I can think to celebrate this milestone digitally is to post some of my favorite comments from the past year. I can't possibly rank them, so I'm just going to do a random list. If your favorite comment is missing please post it in the comment section..

Yeah so, I was going to do a top 10 list of my favorite comments from the blog over the year, but it took far too long for me to search through all of the posts. So, here's one and I'll post 10 before the month is up.

10. D.A. on the Which "Sex and the City" chick are you? Quiz

Wake up, women! Here's the shot: "Sex and the City" is evidently a good show. (I think it sucks, but I'm straight, so I guess that stands to reason.) But the thing is that it's written in a way that makes people feel like they identify with the characters. That's what good TV shows and movies do. They make you feel like YOU could be called Ishmael, like YOU could fight vampires, like YOU could be friends with Ice Cube. That's the whole point.
But if I have to hear one more 300-pound high school dropout with three filthy kids in tow telling her friend how "those girls on that show are just like me and my friends," I'm gonna fucking kill somebody. Those ladies are NOT like you and your friends. They spend thousands of dollars on shoes. They have carefree and illicit sexual encounters with numerous men. They seldom work, and they live in NY apartments that'd run about $50,000 a month. (And by the way, no journalist has ever made that kind of dough. Even the top guys in the biz make their money on novels and freelance.)
In fact, they're probably the farthest from you and your friends that one could get while still being a human female. Stop living the lie that HBO has fed you! They're just characters, and they're designed specifically to have "universal appeal," meaning that you feel like they're like you and your friends. And in truth, this really ain't that hard with characters that two-dimensional. "Look, she likes shoes, too! She's just like me!" or "She's kind of prudish! My friend Stacey won't have sex with a lot of guys!" or "Damn! She's a ho! My girl Maggie is like that!" It's called "stereotyping," people. Look it up

'Flava of Love' returns- Cue the chorus

Wow, tell me you saw "Flava of Love" on VH1 Sunday night. Whooo hooo! Now that's what I call a season opener. One girl didn't even make to eliminations because she was sent home for opening a can of whoopass on another contestant early in the show. It was pretty vicious and it all started over a bed. A bed that was identical to all of the others, just in a different location. It actually wasn't a fight at all because "H-Town" was just trying to get away. Then H-Town was not invited to continue on because Flav felt she needed to see a doctor after the ghetto girl from Crenshaw put her in a headlock with her legs and beat H-Town in the head, after she threw the poor thing against a wall! I kinda think that the show's producers picked a few nice girls for the wild girls to abuse.

There was plenty of drama after the first fight though. Yadda, yadda, yadda lesbians, blah blah, extra drunk chick, whatever. The best part of the show came at the end after eliminations when the unbelievable happened... One young lady shit on the floor like an untrained dog! Actually she pooped on the steps while she was running to the bathroom and didn't even make an attempt to clean it up before others got to see it! They all smelled it.. And when Flave knocked on the bathroom door, she was like- I had to go! Earlier in the episode she argued with another annoying girl named Spunkee for calling her out as a lesbian in front of Flava. She really lost her mind in that argument (screaming at the top of her lungs and having made up conversations), then she shit herself and guess what? She gets to stay another week. Did they just make reality show history? I'm not sure I've seen anything more embarrassing on TV.

For the record: If you throw the first punch in the mansion- you go home. If you shit on the floor -you can hang around another week.

Next chick who should get beat down or sent home: Spunkee
Strangest thing I heard: "When you're speaking in tongue, you're confirmed that you're going to Heaven..."

My big fat abnoxious weekend in South Beach

Don't you hate it when you plan a great vacation and anticipate it everyday only to have someone or something ruin your perfect getaway?

This has happened to me more than once. The time that the hurricane followed me and my best friends to Jamaica has to be the worst. But the one thing I learned from that trip was that my girls are amazing women who can still smile and laugh through any situation. We didn't have running water or electricity for days and we still came home with jokes. So, I mention that because I recently planned a lovely weekend at this expensive hotel pictured above in South Beach. I just came back from this vacation that was supposed to be so wonderful, but was basically ruined. There wasn't a storm, my luggage wasn't lost, I didn't get robbed- well, kinda. This one young lady tried to steal my joy with her bad attitude. More importantly, I am out of more money than I should be because she was very inconsiderate and refused to do anything that anyone else wanted to do or could afford to do. If she did, she was grumpy about it which is hard for normal people who care about others' feelings to deal with. Let's call her Snobonika (Snob-o-ni-kah). Got that?

Examples of how one snob pissed on my South Beach weekend:

You wouldn't be hungry if you didn't have that budget:

We're at a restaurant that's crazy expensive, meaning you've gotta be crazy to pay what they were asking for that food. Three out of the five people at the table can't afford to waste money on the meal and say so. Snobonika orders food and asks the broke people to please have a drink while she gets full on overpriced food, which by the way she's not going to share. The broke people can't really afford the drinks either so they drink water..

Rich people have special digestive systems

One not rich person asks Snobonika to check into affordable restaurants for the next night's dinner because everyone wants to eat seafood, but they don't want to over pay. Snobonica refuses to check into affordable restaurants then approaches one not rich person to say "I'm worried about where you guys want to eat tonight because I can't eat cheap seafood, I'll get sick." I bet you didn't know this, but apparently people who live life on a budget have special coatings in their stomachs that allow them to digest garbage, kind of like goats. Consider it God's gift to the people he didn't bless with trust funds. Now that I know this, I've started eating random items that I find in my desk for lunch. Today I had a ketchup packet (without opening it), paper clips and an old eraser topped with crushed red peppers that I didn't finish the last time I had pizza. Fuck Subway, on this budget, I'll be eating filet mignon in no time!

My pancake brings all the boys to the yard

Snobonika has to be the center of attention at all times. If she isn't, it's probably someone else's fault. Apparently having money makes you irresistibly sexy, but sometimes poorer women can steal your shine so you have to take matters into your own hands. If Snobonika sees a friend dancing with a boy and having fun, she'll pretend to be her lesbian lover and "save" her from the guy. Where I'm from we call this cock-blocking, not a good look, plus some foxy guy nearby may think you're really a lesbian. Or worse, one of those dumb bitches that dances closely with girls in the club just to get attention. Eeeew.

Are you with them?

The room we stayed in was booked for two people, but we always had four girls staying there. We add one more girl because she's far too cool not to have around, plus she lived nearby. Snobonica nearly had a panic attack once she got to the hotel and felt like we may be arrested if the hotel found out we had more than two people in the room. Beyond that she determined that she wasn't one of the extra people in the room, but one of the two who belonged. She added her name to the room (she didn't book it) just to be on the safe side. As if that wasn't enough security, she constantly reprimanded the not rich girls who didn't belong for dealing with hotel staff and refused to be seen with them by the pool or at the beach. It was actually a blessing, but her paranoia wore off on everyone. We'd all get stiff like roaches if housekeeping knocked on the door, ordering extra towels made her nervous, and I even found myself discussing the fact that I answered a question about the room when the doorman addressed us as a group. The funny thing is that I grew up lying to hotels about how many people stay in the room. My mom ingrained that into our whole family, as most working class moms did. Even today I also say there are two guests in my room no matter who's coming.

Are you comfortable?

Oh and Snobonika was constantly asking when the fifth girl was leaving. Not only is that rude, but since girl five is my girl, being rude could get you cut. She was sharing a bed with me and my girl, not Snobonika and her girl. But Snob kept asking her if she was comfortable.. Um, all three of us are a little less comfy than we would be..duh! So when we suggested that maybe we should leave and get a new room at another hotel for the cool kids, Snobonika was like -that's fine. (Poke in eyeballs, uppercut, uppercut...) Maybe now is a good time to tell you that this whole trip was Snobonika's idea, she lives in another country and wanted us to come together. But she was willing to send two of her girls away because they had another friend?

I could go on and on the full has never been told ~ Buju Banton "Untold Stories"

This list could go on, I'm not even mentioning the self-esteem issues (any time she's corrected you're making her feel stupid). Or the fact that she bragged about how much money she had on her in cash (she can't take her cash home because the currency is stronger back home), but never offered to pay for the $5 cab. Ooops, I just mentioned it.


Now, I'd like to wax poetic about the significance of money among friends, family and lovers. Money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money is. This snobby girl has always had lots of money, it wasn't until recently that she decided her money was more important than anything else. In her mind, this money has weakened her survival skills. She can't eat cheap food or she'll get sick. (Bitch, you used to eat at cheap Mexican restaurants all the time!) If she doesn't stay in the most expensive hotels she may come in contact with some airborne disease that middle class and low-class people are immune to. (I remember sharing a room in a apartment/hotel with this chick in the Dominican Republic. It was so cheap that people could live there for weeks, and we were the only hotel guests at the whole damn place!) If she doesn't point out that she's rich, she may lose her value all together. (When no one knew you were rich, they loved you! Now, your a slave to a page in my blog.) It's just ridiculous but the poor thing has fallen in love with her money and completely lost her mind.

I know some other folks who love their money more than they can ever love another human and in turn many people hate them. Falling in love with your money seems to be a slippery slope kinda like alcoholism. It starts with excessive shopping, then you start sleeping in brand new clothes with the tags on and using shoe boxes for pillows... Eventually, I hear that some of them actually masturbate to their online bank accounts instead of good old fashioned porn sites.

If you see this happening to yourself, get help before it's too late.